Who? Me? A Monster?

In honor of Halloween, I offer my fellow Realtors and you - home buyers and home sellers - the common types of client monsters I come across in the business of real estate.

Fairies

From the Latin word for "fate," in folklore, fairies are supernatural beings who occupy a limbo between heaven and earth. As home buyers and sellers, fairies are the most easily recognized. They know a lot about real estate, have perhaps been brokers or salespeople in the past and have friends in real estate. They have been known to invite more than one Realtor to their weddings, their children's birthday parties and other social gatherings. But the Realtors don't mind. These fairies of real estate transition easily and smoothly between homes and when they do enter the lives of Realtors, we are much the happier for their presence. As with the mythical fairies indeed, these people (while sometimes seeming almost mythical themselves) control the destiny of many a Realtor.

Zombies

Zombies are the clients who, through some freak of nature are forced to either sell their home or buy a home. They are completely unprepared for the ordeal, having promised themselves never to undergo such torture. It has been almost a century since they have either bought or sold a house and they are almost mindless, confused with the volume of paperwork, have little reasoning power but can perform some of the "remembered behaviors" from their living existence. Realtors find zombies pretty willing to buy or sell their homes but are surprised by their lack of excitement at either multiple offers or a great bargain. Often, Realtors are left scratching their heads at these clients and the transaction with a zombie often ends with a shrug of the shoulders and no referrals.

Demons

Demons - divine beings that are now fallen - are often first confused with fairies. The fall happens somewhere in the six to twelve months that the Realtor works with these home buyers while interest rates rise, home prices fall, home prices rise, interest rates fall, the economy wavers, then recovers... somewhere around this time, the Realtor filling his hundredth tank of gas begins to wonder if indeed he misjudged this demon as a fairy. Of course, the demons never admit it. So it is up to the Realtor to decide. But usually by that time, it is too late.

Werewolves

The transition of normal happy home buyers and home sellers into werewolves - like the demons - can be missed. However, whereas demons become demons due to their own meanness, werewolves are often victims of situations. Today's market sees many werewolves - home sellers that have been lied to by corrupt individuals into losing their homes. When these sweet, innocent, almost-Caspers enter the market again to buy a home, Realtors beware! Any fluffing of the truth, anything besides just plain, simple facts will force them to bare their claws and turn into werewolves. And then, they might not be the only ones howling!

Vampires

Much like demons. But meaner. The less said about these the better. For they are neither home buyers nor sellers. Realtors would do well to stay away from them. Most are easily recognized by their vacant eyes and fangs. And even when they promise that they have cash in the bank to buy a home, please, run the other way. Vampires grow on your inability to turn away business and slowly suck you into their lives. Vampires have no friends, except other vampires. Now, really, do you want referrals? Back away from the door, my friend. No trick or treating at this casket!

Frankensteins

The Frankensteins in real estate might perhaps be my most favorite clients. These are the diamonds in the rough, surprising themselves constantly, which makes me feel a little bit like I have magical powers of my own! (Yes, yes, I know - that would make me a witch. So be it.) As home buyers, these Frankensteins are surprised to know that they have the ability to buy a home and get a great bargain and that they actually recognize one! As home sellers, their homes are prime candidates for staging. But the efforts on the part of these Frankensteins make you want to weep. These imperfect, sensitive clients are what Realtors live for. They make us feel like we have made a contribution to someone's life. Frankensteins, don't be afraid. We love you!

So there you have it! Some of the most common monsters we deal with. Of course, the biggest monster may well be the real estate market. Hey, no one said this list was exhaustive!